So drunk its hurt
how can u be prego again
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
