You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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