porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
