I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
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Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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