I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
