I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
