He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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