just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
