I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She's just so happy...and so naked.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
