I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i now understand why vodka
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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