I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize