so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
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you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
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Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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