Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
