Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
