dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
