My first STD was from a foam party
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
