What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well I just put wine in my tea
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
