We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
wow bdsm is so cute
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
