dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
