Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
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