My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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