May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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