I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
