hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
