Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
