i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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