I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
