I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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