i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
