dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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