Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
