oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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