I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize