Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
