is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
