My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
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You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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