Someone shit on the floor
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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