Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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