Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I want a musical about memes.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
