I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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