Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Is it because I queefed?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
