...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize