I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
false alarm, still single
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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