I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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