Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
