i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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