okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
