Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
