just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
