New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
