drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
