So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
