Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
