Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
