Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can't turn off my feet"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
