I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
