By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
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sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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