She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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