I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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