I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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