Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
