I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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