I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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