i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
