am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
