lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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