the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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