Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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