The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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